#28 Help for Families Part 2

As families deal with the chaos, pain and difficulty of watching a loved one struggle with addiction, they struggle to know how to respond.  They may receive conflicting advice from friends, family members, and social media.   Here are some general suggestions from families who have faced this heartbreaking situation.

1. Get support.  Surround yourself and connect with understanding friends and family members. Isolating yourself and keeping your suffering to yourself only increases your despair.  Find someone who has a sympathetic ear and listens without judgement, without bombarding you with unwelcome, unhelpful advice.  Consider talking to a professional addiction counselor who can help you work through emotions and develop healthy coping skills.  Join a local support group like Al-Anon to connect with other families with similar experiences. Join groups that are working to promote the treatment and recovery of those struggling with substance use.  Use your struggle to reach out to others.
2. Manage expectations.  Recovery does not happen overnight. Those in recovery must replace nearly every aspect of their lives in addiction with healthy ways of thinking, acting, managing their time, and interacting with others. Don’t expect immediate changes or improvement.  The journey to recovery is often one step forward, two steps back.  Recurrence of addiction is very common. Many in addiction struggle with self-hatred and hopelessness. Be as patient and as encouraging as you can.   Recovery is hard work.
   
3. Let Crises Happen:  One of the sayings from Al-Anon is “In nature there are no punishments or rewards.  There are consequences.”  Bev Conyers (An Addict in the Family) shares that “for every action, there is a reaction.  This is an important lesson for those in addiction to learn and an important step in beginning recovery.”  She believes that “addicts are avoidance pros.  Instead of dealing with life, its pain, and hardships, they escape through the use of mind-altering substances. This keeps them perpetually immature and unable to cope with life in any constructive way.  When families protect them from consequences, the families are depriving them of opportunities to grow.  By letting their loved ones feel the pain of addiction, families are leaving the door to recovery wide open.”
4. Let go.  Often families feel the need to fix the problem and control every aspect of their loved one’s behavior and circumstances.  Letting go of the need to control, pass judgement and interject your own expectations will increase a family’s peace of mind. This is a scary step, because addiction destroys lives and kills.  But families cannot control addiction or their loved one. It only brings frustration and unhappiness. Letting go of expectations allows you to live in the present and appreciate what is going on here and now.
   
5. Take care of yourself to stay strong, healthy and sane.  Families tend to become preoccupied with their loved one’s problems, abandoning their own interests and needs.  Do things that make you happy and bring you joy.  Take care of yourself.  Exercise.  Eat a healthy diet.  Rest. Choose to cherish life and live to the best of your ability. 

Dealing with loved ones involved in addiction can be tumultuous and difficult. You are not alone.  Be kind to yourself and don’t give up hope.